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Wounded Trust Origin

The awakening reality of the starkness of death brought me to the bottom and very core of my being. In the weeks and months that followed I was desperate to find God in the confusion of my sorrow and grief. I started writing. What I thought would last six weeks turned into months as I slowly began to heal and re-establish my trust in God.

Months later I was going over my blog titles and realized that they were strikingly similar to a literal wound. Only then did I face the fact that I was wounded, and the healing applied to my heart. I trusted only because I had been taught to trust; otherwise no trust would have been left. I also doubted more than ever. I felt like a miserable wretch, because I had been taught to trust fully and simply. I could not believe that God had my best in mind by taking Kira. I still do not. It is just too raw and ugly to believe. However, I do believe that we live in a fallen world and therefore experience germs and sickness. Gratefulness for God's plan of redemption and His blood that covers my messed up trust in Him has greatly deepened. I stand in awe of God who meets me right where I am, whether or not I doubt.

kira21/2Kira graced our family with her presence for three years and two weeks. She died very suddenly as a result of haemophilus influenzae B, or "HIB." The gift of her life is a treasure to us. She was very energetic and brought us lots of joy. We will miss her more than we could ever express.

To have had for three years is still better than not to have had at all.

Kira, we can't wait to meet you in heaven!